I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She announced her abortion via fbk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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