I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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