you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
