i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You are a genius and a whore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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