True but thats because hes a fetus.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
