When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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