I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
