A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
