I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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