you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
