He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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