i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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