I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
false alarm, still single
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
