tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
