Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
