Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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