It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The air was thick with penises
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
