I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
