Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
