He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
