I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
