she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
