if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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