Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
