he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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