Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize