Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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