The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
