Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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