I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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