so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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