i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize