we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
