Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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