I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have already put on my inside pants.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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