Need sex. Gaining weight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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