real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
