How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
