First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
