In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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