Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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