how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
