my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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