this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
