I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
