So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I faked an abortion last night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
