Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
