bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
