we're chasing vodka with high fives
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
