Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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