OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize