Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
