So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
