we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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