When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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