I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
