Porn is love you can see.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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