This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
