Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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