That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
