i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dignity is for republicans.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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