i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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