the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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